Tuesday, May 16, 2006

October 22, 1973
In which I am molested

If my handwriting is shaky I have a good reason. Here it is as follows:

I felt kind of shut-up so I felt like I wanted a walk. Franz felt like walking too. I suppose going over to see if Bob was out was at the back, well sort of in front, of my mind. I told mother that I was going to walk up and down the street. Well, when I got to the corner I figure that a walk around the block wouldn't hurt and mother would never know. I got halfway around and heard Bob being called over by his house. I hoped that he would be out. He may have been but I didn't see him. I did see some kids on minibike though. One stopped and I thought that he was going to come over. He didn't and the rest of the way was all right until I got to [the] Turner's. I was worried that mother might ask where I went. I would probably have told her the truth, thinking that it was too cold to be raped anyway. As I neared the place where the sidewalks don't meet but there is a tar covering I saw a shadow. Then I saw that it was a person. I said "Oh God!" but then calmed down because I saw that it was only a kid. I was about to pass him when he grabbed me and said, "Hi, how are ya doing? Huh? Huh?" He had his hands on my breasts and was feeling me. I just thought it was someone tickling me -- at first I thought it was Bob. A hundred thoughts went through my mind and unconsciously I tried to struggle.

This only lasted a second or two I guess, but my mind wouldn't function quite right until was between the Ehorn's trees. I had just been sexually assaulted. My legs turned to water and I began to shake. I didn't want mother to know so I tried to calm down. I guess I succeeded because when I finally made it into the house she didn't say anything.

I ran straight up here and wrote in this journal. Now I hope no one ever reads it. I'm still shaking.

I wonder who it was. I didn't recognize the voice, but it could have been the guy on the minibike because he had the same kind of coat on. And thinking back I thought I heard someone say "It's Dona..." when I was over by Bob's. What next? One can't even walk in one's own neighborhood safely.

Note:
While this may sound almost amusing to anyone reading it, it was very scary to me. I never found out who it was. I didn't remember that I had walked around the block to see Bob, but it makes sense since I've always felt guilty about this incident.

I finally did tell my mom about it, years later. We actually had a laugh over it because what I didn't write in the journal was that Franz (our toy dachshund) didn't bark or try to save me. Instead he wound his leash around my legs.

This was the first of three incidents involving males that put me in a very uncomfortable situation. Today anyone doing this would be punished. But then, I'm not sure who it was. The coat he was wearing was one of those parkas lots of people wore in the mid 70's. Either blue or green with a hood and brown fur around the opening of the hood.

No comments: