Sixteen showed me many firsts - both good and bad.
- First "date" - I don't consider it a true date considering how it ended.
- First Boyfriend - funny, but my first date wasn't with my first or even second boyfriend. He wasn't a boyfriend at all.
- First Kiss - This was from my first boyfriend. Dumb I still say. Oh well, Bob meant well (I hope)
- First close death - I hate to dwell upon that
- First driving a car - An experience I didn't look forward to, but liked
Then there were general things like first real high school year and first football games and such. Too bad I didn't have a job this year. That would have been a real first.
I really need to have a heart-to-heart talk with myself. I am harboring um...well unclean thoughts in my supposedly pure mind. I hate to remember what I thought when I began to really notice Bob. I said to myself that I would have him. He would be the first boy I kissed. His lips attracted me very much. I can't explain this feeling. I can only feel it. I wanted Bob -- and I got him. I wanted to kiss him and I did.
Speaking about kissing I have to learn how. I think I kissed Bob four times. The last time he acted like it was all right. The other times I did it wrong. I guess that if you really love a guy kissing comes naturally. I hope.
I was thinking of a neighbor of my grandmother, Mark Lorenz. He is studying to be a minister. The other day I decided that I wanted him. I think that I might have talked myself out of thinking like that -- but I don't know. I do know one thing though. I want to meet him before I leave here.
Tomorrow I want to begin meditating. I read about it in Readers Digest and I think it may work for me. The end of the dock will work beautifully I think. I want to get up before the sunrise and watch it.
Note:
Readers Digest was my first introduction to meditating?
::shakes head::
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