February 1, 1973In which I am mad and sad and glad

Thursday

Oh boy am I mad! The first time I corrected a paper honestly and didn't think about what the other person would say I got it right in the face from her and someone else. I didn't think it was a very good paper. The thoughts were all muddled. She has graded my paper with what I have thought to be unfairly many times and I didn't make a fuss about it. That's why her and I never get along. We both are stubborn but she is more so -- and snotty about it.

Last night my tears flowed again about Narnia -- but this time it was about the author. I was all set to write him a letter or even someday meet him (or call him up like Holden was always wanting to do) and I found out that he died - ten years ago - {oh you did find out}On November 22, 1963 (the same day President Kennedy was shot assassinated. I found an article about C. S. Lewis and cried. But he isn't really gone - he lives in his books for me. {good point. Many authors and great people are truly immortalized by their good deeds}

4:15 p.m. Thurs

I am in a writing mood. As I walked home from school I noticed that it was cold - but not really. I have been noticing lots of things like that lately. I must be realizing what life is all about all of a sudden - it is a crazy sensation. Fro the first time in my life I really want to live. Live - not just for tomorrow, not in yesterday - but for today - this exact minute.

Note:
On the issue of the paper I graded - I don't think teachers have students grade each other's papers anymore, at least I hope not. What were teachers thinking back then?

I don't remember finding out about Lewis' death, but I remember writing about it in this journal.

I wish I had kept that feeling of living for the moment. I spent too much of my life looking forward or backward and little of it in the here-and-now.