February 10, 1975 In which I write about a lot of things

Monday

3:18 pm

What a crazy entry ↑. Was I drunk?

I've just woken up. Why do I always fall asleep? I'm not really tired - perhaps Daddy's right - I'm just bored with life. I hope not.

Awful things have been happening. - Corrine (Aunt) sent Jim and Bob to their father - or at least they left and are living with their dad. I hate divorce. When mother told me I began to cry - that's how upset it made me. I wish I could help them - but perhaps they are happier. I'm just afraid that we will J & B as much as we see Julie and Debbie. I wonder how they are getting on. I hope that someday Jim and I can have a real good talk. I vow that when Jeremy and I are married we will visit Jim and Lori (or whomever) and Bob & whomever.

Cinder is blocking my way now - she just sat on the book and her paw is right above my writing. She is really beautiful - is my Cinder. Now she is sniffing me.

I wonder if Jeremy will like Cinder. I hope so. He will probably end up sleeping with her sometimes, Cindy did.

I talked to Sue B. today. I haven't talked to her for a long time - I wish we could be as close as we once were - or were we close? I think not. I think that Sue B. finds it difficult to be close to anyone. That's too bad - she is a lot of fun.

Lori and I skipped Gym today. We were going to walk to Highland to see her mother but since the chill factor was 17º below zero we had second thoughts. Instead we went to McDonald's.

I told Mr. Caldwell that the term "Chuck" is still used in England. Then I ended up telling him that I had a boyfriend there. He wanted to know the facts so I talked to him for a while - he is a really good teacher.

Note:
Don't remember being tired a lot - must have been the teen years.

Jim and Bob - Bob ended up moving in with us, Jim went back to his mom eventually. I rarely saw Jim after I was married. He got married after I did and I think we saw him once then. I wish I'd kept my vow and seen him more often. He died a number of years ago.

Sue B. once confided that she did have trouble being close to people, but she is now happily married with two teen boys. She lives not far from us, but we rarely see her. We need to fix that. I always like being with her and I like her husband.

September 7, 1974 In which I worry about censorship

2:21 pm

In a letter the other day Jeremy suggested, after we are married, to read each other's journals. I don't know how I like that idea. But I suppose that after we are married we will have no secrets from each other. Not that I have any from him now, but what if someday I do? I won't even be able to write it down. I feel now that I must censor what I write. I'm still not going to worry about spelling things wrong.

I talked to Sue this morning. She is going to ruin what she made, I'm afraid. She wants Drooper to stay with her but it can only be for two or three weeks. That means that Jeremy can only stay for that long. She says that we will end up hating each other (Jeremy and I). That's not true. I will never hate him. I don't think I could hate him if he turned Communist. I am really in love with him. Real love - not Lust like Mr. Ismail says.

Note:
I kind of remember Jeremy suggesting this. I don't remember my reaction, but apparently I was against it, and with good reason. Of course, I am posting my journal online for the world to see, but still...

How funny that I thought the worst thing someone could become was a Communist. How I've changed. Now I think I'd switch that word to Republican.

I have no idea who Drooper was - probably a British guy that Sue fancied. He didn't come to the States the next summer when Jeremy did.

Mr Ismail was my high school psychology teacher and he challenged us to define love. He countered each definition we gave with, "That's Lust, not love". He defined it as wanting to spend 95% of your free time with the object of your desire. I think he was nuts.