March 29, 1975 In which I am lonely and jealous

Saturday

11:30 am

What have I done this vacation? Nothing! When I go back to school Lori will have done a million things and I will pretend to listen, but I will be angry inside - perhaps it will rise to the surface and I will scream. No - it won't, I'd better not. I don't have many close friends as it is, why lose Lori?

What happened to all my friends? Have they died? No, I have. I have no money with which to go out anyway.

I'm tucked away in a little corner of the world and no one ever sees me. no one cares. No one says, "Let's call Dona." Maybe I talk about Jeremy too much. Is that possible? I have vowed not to mention him sometimes - but I get so sick of "Mark this, Glenn that" and now it's Jim this and that" too.

Am I jealous that I don't have a boyfriend or three here? Should I really be saving myself for Jeremy so well? But he has no fear of me being "taken away" because no one shows any interest anyway.

I feel so ugly lately. Why? My teeth are clean - as of this morning. I really need to escape! Perhaps I'm missing school. (Ick - missing school?! No way.). It must be that I am missing people! Oh, my parents are all right and Kevin is a lot of fun, but I need the company of people my own age. I had a great time last Sunday.

Well with Grandma coming it will be a change. Perhaps people will be coming over.

I'd like to take a walk, but where to? It is probably too cold anyway. Maybe I will get a letter from Jeremy or Cindy - or Meg - she owes me one. Pam has boring letters. Anyway I got one from her yesterday. It would be great if the tape would arrive to day.

I've got to finish [reading] that Essay for English. It is so boring! I'm not hungry so I think I'll read it after I make my bed. Then I'll read That Hideous Strength. I don't quite understand that either. My gosh, I'm in a terrible mess.

Note:
I remember being jealous of Lori - I'd always considered her a little nerdy, so when she had a string of boyfriends I was surprised and, yes, jealous.

As for the feelings of not having friends - I don't know why I felt like that - I mean where the friends went. I was a little hard to get along with - so that's most likely the story.