12:58 pm
Why do I have such a terrible feeling about Bob? Why do I hate him so? For that is what this feeling is, this tight stomach, pounding temples, constricted throat. Yes, it is hate -- the worse of all emotions -- the evil demonic feeling inside.
I'm sure his feelings for me are not that of sisterly love. Nor cousinly love either, for that matter.
In only 23 days and a few hours I will be rid of him for two glorious months. Hopefully, soon after that, he will move out -- but that's only wishful thinking. He has disrupted our family. We fight more than ever. My father has bad moods more than ever.
But what's to be done? I wish I could get rid of all emotion -- like [to] feel nothing for him -- no love, no hate.
I asked God to help me I think. He has probably given me a solution, and I didn't catch it. I don't know.
What an awful note to end a journal on. Sad, very sad.
This is not much of a journal, althoug one of my best friends is met in here -- Woody। I probably didn't mention him much. My first year at college is in here too -- and Zayre (yuck).
Note:
Bob, of course, is my cousin. He was a difficult person to know. He had a volatile temper and it was often directed at me. Of course, I had a wicked temper too, so it was not just him.
He didn't show appreciation that my father spent long hours building him a room of his own.
And what was with that asking God thing? It must have bothered me to actually pray about it.
I've not seen him in years -- he spent Christmas Day with us at my parents house. We talked a little about our animosity back then and it seemed that he'd calmed down.
The next year my mom didn't call him and personally invite him (she told his mom to ask him) and he took that as an offense and didn't show up. I've not seen him since.
As for the end of the journal -- I normally tried to end journals on New Years Eve and then would write the highlights of the year on the last page. I guess I grew out of that.
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