April 13, 1973In which I learn about Betsy's illness

Friday

I want to begin this sooner than we have time because there is so much I have to write about.

I have learned a very strong lesson about life. For last night I learned that a very dear friend of mine has Leukemia. I am not as good a friend of hers this year as I was last, but that makes no difference. It still hit me very hard. The lesson I learned is about beauty. I have always thought of Betsy as being homely, but last night I found that she has a beauty all of her own. She is very brave to have an article like she had in the paper because now everyone in the school knows.

I remember last year when she sat at our lunch table. She wore a wig and wouldn't tell us why. The article was very touching and I'll bet that not many eyes were dry after they read that if they know her.

Note:
This entry was really a lie to myself. I was sad, but I also was not a good friend to her, nor would I end up being. I remember reading this article. In fact I still have the article in a scrap album.

Betsy was not a dear friend of mine. She and I sat at the same lunch table for at least one year. She and Jeff (my 6th grade crush) were good friends, perhaps even girlfriend/boyfriend. I mentioned her earlier in the journal. I was jealous that Jeff liked her and not me. It turned out that Jeff knew about the illness.

I also remember the wig incident. Betsy came to the lunch table wearing a wig. It was obvious and I said in a voice loud enough for her to hear, "Betsy looks so much better without the wig". I felt pretty bad about what I said after reading the article that mentioned how mean some girls at school were to her regarding the wig. I don't think it meant comments like mine, but I was in no way supportive of her that year.

Betsy died the following year when I was on a boating trip on the Chicago river with the British students who were visiting. I never visited Betsy in the hospital. My friend Lori told me that Betsy died in the middle of me telling her about holding hands with one of the British students during the bus ride back home.

This might be a good time to mention the lunch table. When I began junior high school I ate lunch during a period in which none of my friends ate. It was my first experience having lunch at school because in elementary school I walked home for lunch. The first day of school I got my lunch and sat at an empty table. I began eating and was very uncomfortable being all alone. Then a group of very popular students sat down at my table and physically pushed me off. I had to find another table to finish my lunch. I saw an 8th grader I knew through my family (her sister was in 7th grade with me) and I asked Chris if I could sit with her. She was sitting with only one other person I knew, Kathy R. a girl who I remembered from elementary school days who no one liked because she was poor and dirty and smelled bad. Slowly that day and throughout the next weeks the table began to fill with loners and outcasts. Girls who would never be popular for one reason or the other. I don't know if I thought this way at the time, but it was not long before I realized it. This is where I ended up meeting Cindy.