Now I know. He does like me -- a lot. He was already talking about "going together". We walked to the creek last night. So many thoughts wen through my mind -- about being older than him mostly. I am no longer afraid of being hurt. I think it will be him. He is a very nice person and I don't want to hurt him -- but we have nothing in common. Except nature. I think he likes nature -- but it seems to be different than when I read about it in books. All I know is that I am definitely not in love with him -- only happy because someone has finally noticed me. I wish I could cry because it would wash out my mind and help me think clearer.
My pretend romances seemed to go much more smoothly. But of course then HE would be older than me and more intelligent than myself.
All I have to do is say the word and I can have a boyfriend. But do I want to have all of that at my call? It is a great responsibility (to me) and so much seems at stake.
Mother and Father are trying to tell me what to do. When I got home last night they were telling me what was wrong with him. They deflated me and I even cut him down. What should I do? I am not asking anyone but myself. Life can be hard. Oh, if only I could cry, I have a feeling in my stomach, a knot, that won't go away.
Note:
I don't remember agonizing about this so much. I thought we just hung out and kissed a few times and then I told him I didn't want to "go" with him anymore. I do remember feeling embarrassed walking with him and tried to hide my face with my long hair when we were together. And it was because he could not read.
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