June 28, 1975In which I want to learn more

Well, here I go -- spilling out my problems. I don't like Bob. I don't even like to be with him that much. Why do I continue to see him? Easy - he is a boy, a boy has sex drives. I am a girl who feels the need of a boy with sex drives. I have already said that I am not turned on from his kisses -- but when he has his arm around me and rubs my shoulder or arm, I get goose bumps and wish he would always continue. He asked me to the show Saturday night. I bet we wouldn't watch it, see -- he wants to teach me how to French Kiss. Since I know that, do I decide not to go? No, I Miss Goody-Goody wants to French Kiss with him -- or any other guy for that matter, I'm no better than a whore.

Mom and Dad saw us with our arms around each other. They were upset -- I would have fought with them -- but stopped in time.

What should I do? Should I go Saturday and get some experience then tell Bob that I can't see him on the basis we've been seeing each other for three weeks, or tell him tonight? I suppose the longer I wait, the harder it will be for him -- if he likes me for me, not just for a girl.

On my side, the whole relationship is one of sex. Isn't it funny how sex can rule one's life?

Note:

This entry is almost too embarrassing to post, but what the heck. It is funny and sad. I was, at 17, using someone to get what I wanted and then going to dump him after I got it. Isn't that what men do? How funny I called it sex -- as if it was.